the 1times1 universal code of tango etiquette
Explanations
- A Useful Habit
In the flow of the milonga you have found yourself engaged in a very nice and natural conversation with a good friend of yours from Faraway with whom you have some lovely dances in the past. She is a Nice Dancer; not a Stellar Dancer; you have no Serious Philosophical Objections with her dancing or her person; indeed you rather like her. You on the other hand, are a slightly more "In Demand" at this moment and have many options dancewise this evening.
You realize that being in Conversation Together could be construed as a Prelude To A Set Of Dances; indeed, you vaguely suspect that the situation may have actually been Strategically Generated By Her in her plotting for dances. But it doesn't bother you, and honestly you wouldn't mind taking her for a spin right now. Except, that you just can't right now.
There are two ways to convey this. The Information-Poor Way and the Information-Rich Way. The first is the way of the Insensitive Jerk and the second is the way of the Kindhearted Friend. Let me illustrate.
Way 1: You suddenly and apparently out-of-nowhere say "Oh, excuse me!" and scurry away quickly.
Way 2. You say, "Hey listen, I'd really love to dance with you right now, but, you know, my friend Bertha just walked in, I haven't seen her in years, and she just had a baby, and I want to give her a big hug and congratulate her! Hopefully, we can catch each other later on...I will definitely be on the lookout for you. OK?" [Obviously, Kindhearted Friend actually follows through on this.]
The moral of the story is this: How much information you offer in response to an implicit or explicit request for dances is directly correlated to how important you consider the requester to be. If you give no Explanation for not dancing with a person when dancing might be in order, then this person might begin to Worry. (Do I smell? do I look bad? is my dancing off? did I do something?) If, however, you give a lucid, reasonable and un-lame Explanation for not being able to dance at this moment, then they will not Worry and it will be easier for them to continue to Enjoy Themself.
When do people
not give Explanations? When something is Too Complicated To Explain;
when explaining it would Hurt The Person's Feelings; or when it might Enjoin
You To Share TMI (Yuck!). In such cases we say instead "I'm resting"
or "I need a drink." Friends, if someone has dissed you With Barely
So Much As An Explanation, here is a list of reasons why they may not have felt
like dancing at the time. It is entitled "Reasons
Why I Don't Want To Dance With You."